Since starting the website in 2004, I have received emails at least once a week from someone who believes they are dating a soldier when, in most cases, they actually are not. Nine times out of ten, they “met” their soldier on a social networking site, such as Facebook, or an online dating site.
Upon hearing their story, it is usually pretty obvious that the “soldier” is lying about serving in the military. At the very least, he is lying about his unit affiliations. But to someone who is not familiar with the military, it is usually a little harder to distinguish the truth. However, I must say that everyone who emailed me did so because they had a feeling something was not quite right.
Some statements that should at least make you question his affiliation:
He is in a special operations unit and therefore cannot share any information with you. I would say that 95% of the ones we have proved to be fakes were claiming to be in a special operations unit. This is usually easy to figure out as they claim awards, schools, or beret colors that just don’t make sense. Or their pictures in uniforms are all messed up – I’ve seen Army uniforms with Air Force tapes and Navy insignia – no joke.
He has been deployed for two years, has been denied leave time, and will not be coming home any time soon therefore you won’t be able to meet. Just not plausible at all.
He is on a top-secret mission in a country other than Iraq or Afghanistan. Now, we certainly do have troops in other countries. However, they don’t talk about it and they certainly don’t tell you they are on a “top-secret mission”. Also, any special operations soldier worth his beret will not reveal his location to someone he doesn’t know (or even someone he does!).
He says he doesn’t have a mailing address because either he is in a classified unit or his position changes so often. It is RARE for a soldier not to have a mailing address overseas, even if he is in special operations.
He says he needs you to pay for his R&R leave because the Army doesn’t pay for it. This is absolutely false! A real soldier will not request money to travel home as he doesn’t need it! The Army pays for all travel to and from a war zone. It’s not like you just booked your own flight home from Afghanistan on Delta.
He says he can come home but you have to request his leave through an email address. If all an Army spouse had to do was email her soldier’s commander to get him home from deployment, don’t you think ALL Army spouses would be doing this? There would be no one deployed. The Army does not require leave requests from Army family members. In fact, even in the case of the death of an immediate family member, the information has to be verified by the American Red Cross before the soldier’s command is contacted for possible leave by officials at the Red Cross – they don’t just take your word for it.
So how can you attempt to find out if he’s telling the truth?
1. Ask for his mailing address overseas. If he can’t provide one, he is likely lying. There is nothing secretive about an APO address.
2. Ask him to give you his AKO email address rather than his Yahoo, Hotmail, etc. This will be his name @us.army.mil. All soldiers have an AKO account. There is no reason why he can’t provide it – regardless of what unit he is assigned to, what his mission may be, who he’s working for, etc. And the AKO account is free so him saying his credit card hasn’t been processed or his account is locked because he didn’t pay is also a lie.
3. Ask him about the unit he is assigned to and where he is stationed. Usually, though not always, they will trip up and give the wrong duty station for a unit. Ask for specifics about the unit. So rather than just 3ID, have him tell you his company, etc.
4. Ask him what his MOS is and then ask him for the identifier. For example, infantry is 11Bravo. If he passes that test, then ask him about the training for his MOS. How long was it? Where did he go for it? You can easily find this information online to fact-check him.
You can easily do this by playing the “I don’t know anything about the military, teach me!” card without raising suspicions. If you need further help to find out the truth, email me the story you’ve been given and I can give you more specific questions based on your situation.
Many have been provided pictures, copies of military identification cards, and even videos. First, pictures can be grabbed from anywhere on the internet – there’s no guarantee you’re talking to that person. They may very well be using the picture of a real soldier but that doesn’t mean you’re talking to him. I’ve seen very badly doctored military ID cards where it’s obvious he’s typed over information on the card. What’s funny is he’ll type over the only legitimate information on the card and replace it with something that makes no sense. Such as the rank of SPC and the pay grade of MAJ. Some of these scumbags are using the pictures of soldiers who were killed in action to run their scams. It’s sick.
So let me sum this up:
If he’s asking for money for a phone line, it’s a scam.
If he’s asking for money for travel home, it’s a scam.
If he needs you to help him move money from one location to another, it’s a scam.
If he asks for your bank account information, it’s a scam.
If he wants you to wire money for ANY reason via Western Union (or similar service), it’s a scam.
If he asks you to email his command so he can come home, it’s a scam.
Good luck!
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